But nothing's going to change... is it?

A few weeks ago, a friend was telling me about her partner and how he’s been struggling for several months now. I listened carefully—with my friend hat on, not my therapist hat—and after a while, I asked her if he might consider talking to someone professionally about what he was experiencing.

I don’t always ask this, because therapy isn’t always the solution, but in this situation, I felt it might help him.

My friend said she had brought it up with him, and he dismissed the idea saying, “But it’s not going to change the situation. Nothing’s going to change.”

This is a common misperception about counselling. (I use the words counselling and therapy interchangeably.) The misconception is: If I go and talk to someone, nothing's going to really change anyway.

And here’s the thing, when you go to counselling, the situation doesn’t change (in this, my friend’s partner is correct). What changes is you. You change. 

And when you change, the situation naturally begins to change as well.

How do you change?

You gain new insights.

You release bottled-up emotions, worries, and fears.

You start seeing yourself differently.

You build courage, make new plans, show up differently.

You change—and then the situation changes.

And that’s an empowering thing to remember. Because for anything to change in the way you want it to, it needs to start with you.

So the next time you have an inkling that counselling might help you in some area of your life, or you’re talking with a friend and they say, “How’s it going to change anything anyway?”, remember this:

It’s not about the situation changing. It’s about you changing.